084 - Helping Your Child Get Along with Other Kids in School

In today's episode, we dive into a topic that concerns many parents: helping children navigate social interactions at school.

While some kids naturally make friends easily, others may find it more challenging—and that's perfectly okay. Every child, whether outgoing or shy, has the potential to connect with their peers. Making friends is a skill that can be learned and nurtured, not something that happens automatically.

Join us as we discuss practical tips from Teacher Roxanne Sevilla, co-owner, co-founder, and program director of Nook Learning and Play Hub, on how to support your child in building friendships and making school a joyful experience. Whether your child is just starting or is already in school, this episode will offer valuable insights to help them thrive socially.

About our Guest:
Roxanne Veronica Sevilla is a committed educator with nine years of experience as a preschool teacher and now works as a learning support teacher at MGC New Life Christian Academy. She co-founded The Nook Learning and Play Hub, offering play-based learning for young children and a SPED playgroup for social skills development. A strong advocate for home-school partnerships and integrating biblical principles in teaching, Roxanne holds a degree in Special Education from Trinity University of Asia, where she was recently honored as an outstanding alumna. She is currently pursuing her master's in Special Education at De La Salle University.

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Transcript

Some kids seem to make friends easily, while others find this difficult, and that's okay. Every child, regardless of whether they're outgoing or shy, they can get along with other kids in school. This is a skill That is not necessarily automatic, but it's something that kids can learn, and it's something that we can support them with.

We don't assume that they understand this automatically.  Now, I know many parents are worried about helping their kids get along with other kids in school, and that's why today we have tips that will make school a joyful experience for them, and help them make friends.  from an experienced teacher. 

Welcome to Discerning Parenting, the podcast for parents of kids aged 12 and under who have learned the hard way that a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting won't shift the needle for you, your child, or your family. Together, We'll explore intentional strategies that see both you and your kids thrive. 

Parenting strategies based on well-conducted research in the areas of child development, brain science, and neurodiversity made practical for you.  What if you let go of perfect and embrace discerning parenting in your family instead?  If you feel like you've been stumbling your way through. And you're ready to leave behind fight or flight mode parenting.

Then, this is the podcast for you.  I'm Dr. Victoria Angolasco, Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician and Positive Parenting Coach, on a mission to help you release your parenting guilt so you can become laser-focused on what will truly work for you. 

This is the first of a series of three interviews with Roxanne Sevilla. Teacher Roxanne has nearly a decade of experience as a preschool teacher, and she's now a learning support teacher for pre-nursery to third grade, she's also co-owner, co-founder, and program director of Nook Learning and Play Hub, where she provides play-based learning for children from ages eight months to four years old.

So that would be the toddler and the preschool years. And they also now have a special education play group that focuses on developing social skills for children with special needs.  We have for you three wonderful and valuable interviews with Teacher Roxanne, so be sure to subscribe to the Discerning Parenting podcast, go to your favorite podcast app, hit the follow button so that you don't miss any of these episodes. 

Teacher Roxanne, it's so nice to have you here. I know that you have a very busy schedule, so thank you for making the time for this. Imagine doing learning support for kids throughout the grade levels, and also being founder and CEO of an early learning hub.  For our listeners, Teacher Roxanne actually knows both sides, from the toddler and preschool side, so preparing the  So that they're ready when they go to the big school and she also knows the big school side. 

So welcome teacher Roxanne. Can you share with us some common social problems that or social issues that preschoolers face when they interact with their peers?  Hi Dr. Nolasco, thank you for having me today. It's indeed a privilege to be here and I'm excited to share some of the insights on how to help your child get along with other kids in school. 

So going back to your question, preschoolers often face several common social challenges when interacting with their peers and these may include sharing and taking turns.  Young children may struggle with the concept of sharing toys or taking turns, which can lead to conflicts.  Yeah, that is true. That's really natural for kids.

So if your child hasn't learned to share is hesitant when sharing. That's not because they are selfish or spoiled or any of the labels that they feel, but that is something that they go through developmentally.   Yes, that's right, Dr. Nolasco. I remember when two of my students, Mia and Jed, it's not their real names, but when Mia and Jed wanted to play with the same toy truck, neither wanted to give in. And it turned into I can imagine, wow, I can imagine how that felt for you as the teacher.  I know. This is a typical scenario in a preschool classroom, where sharing can be still a challenge to grasp at their age. 

Another social challenge is their communication skills. Some children may have difficulty expressing themselves verbally, leading to misunderstandings. Another student of mine, by the name of Leo, was very shy and had trouble expressing himself. He often played alone because he found it challenging to still join group activities or peer playgroups.

And one of the social challenges also includes empathy and understanding one's emotions.  Understanding and responding to their own emotions and those of others can be challenging for preschoolers.  And as parents, you can also discuss with your child what empathy is.  There was a time in my class when Sarah accidentally knocked over Oliver's block tower.

Oliver was very upset, but Sarah didn't understand why. This highlighted the challenge of understanding and responding to other's emotions.  Yeah, that's so true.  I'm glad that you brought out that these are common challenges that they would face.  Sharing, taking turns, and communicating, because they are just learning how to communicate.

And then empathy, and understanding emotions. These are all abstract.  I'm glad that you talked about that.  How about when it comes to, issues like handling rejection or interpreting, the social cues? Sometimes as adults, we expect that kids should be able to, handle social, handle interpret social cues. 

Like when somebody looks at them when somebody has a certain facial expression, but this is actually a challenge for kids. That's right, Dr. Nolasco. Actually, handling rejection or exclusion from peer groups can be particularly tough for young children to handle. I recall when one of my students felt left out because her friends didn't want to play the game that she suggested.

It was her first experience with rejection and it was really hard for her to handle.  And as you've said, developing social cues, at this age, recognition, and interpretation of social cues, such as body language and facial expressions, are still developing.  During story time in class, I have a student who often interrupted others because he hadn't yet learned to read the social cue of waiting for his turn to speak.

Those are just some of the social challenges that I've actually observed in my class. that I find the most common among preschool children. Yeah, thank you for sharing that teacher Roxanne. So that doesn't make the kids bad kids.  I can imagine that all of these behaviors, if you see them in a child, sometimes we can jump in and label them, but these are not naughty behaviors.

These do not mean that these are bad or not naughty kids, but these are kids who are in the process of learning social and emotional skills.  Help our kids develop the skills that they need so that they make and maintain friendships so that they navigate through these common issues that you mentioned.

So parents can play a crucial role in helping your children develop social skills. One can model positive social behavior, and demonstrate good social interaction in your relationships. Children learn a lot by observing their parents.  One parent I know would consistently demonstrate kindness and respect during their interactions with others.

This parent would narrate their actions like saying  I'm sharing my pen with auntie so and so because remember sharing is caring. This interaction helped their child understand positive social behaviors.  Yes, that's true. That's a very nice and it's a very concrete example. So we do it positively by modeling the positive behaviors. 

That's right. Another is also like encouraging playdates or organizing playdates.  Arrange playdates with other children to give your child opportunities to practice social skills in a more controlled environment.  Another parent of a particularly shy child, Lily, arranged a regular playdate, playdates with a close friend's child.

And over time, became more and more comfortable interacting with others.  Yes, so start with small groups first, like just one or two other kids so that they don't have to deal with, let's say, an entire classroom full of kids right away. And it will not be too overwhelming for the child.  Yes, another one can be teaching empathy to the child.

Talk to your child about emotions and how others might feel in different situations. You may use storybooks and role-playing to illustrate these concepts.  A parent wants to use puppets to show different emotions and situations. This creative approach helps their child, Sam, understand how to empathize with others. 

We may talk to them about their emotions by teaching them that it is okay to feel sad, or To feel angry, jealous, or happy, and at the same time, teaching them also how to respond to these emotions.  Yes, that's true. And these stories can give them ideas on different ways to respond to a situation. 

I'm glad you said that we're teaching them also that it's okay to feel sad, to feel angry, that all these feelings are okay. Because sometimes I know as parents, we love our kids so much. We want them to be happy. And when they're not happy, they're sad, they're angry. Sometimes our hearts really go out to them. 

But we let them know that all of these are okay. There is no such thing as positive or negative emotions, but all of them are part of dealing with things that happen. And like a while ago, one of the things that you mentioned about handling rejection is,  that they do feel frustrated about this.

And so we acknowledge that we don't necessarily have to force them to be happy, but we teach them that it's okay. 

 When we are rejected, we do about it. So thank you for sharing that.  That's right. And again, as parents, we can also build communication skills with, our children, encourage your child to express their thoughts, their feelings.  And practice active listening and teach them simple phrases to use in social interaction. 

I know a family who would have, talk time every evening where each member shared something about their day. And this routine helped their son improve his communication skills. And also, as parents, you can also promote problem-solving. Guide your child in resolving conflicts and finding solutions to social problems they encounter. 

I saw a parent guide their children through conflicts by asking questions like, how do you think your sister feels right now? And what can we do to make things better?  So these may be just simple questions, but they will allow the children to activate their thinking skills. And understanding as well.  Wow, that's really beautiful. 

Thank you for sharing that.  You've already shared with us so many tips on how we can help kids build this social skill. What are other practical steps that we can take at home so that we can encourage these positive social behaviors?  At home, parents can encourage positive social behaviors by creating a safe and supportive environment.

Ensure that your child feels safe and supported at home, which builds their confidence to interact with others.  One child that I know thrived because her parents created a loving home environment where she felt valued and confident.  Yes, it's true. So we must show our kids that we love them unconditionally.

That's why,  at the start of this episode, we really, wanted to reframe the labels because,  some kids If they do not have the social skills yet, they can be labeled as naughty or spoiled. So we have to do away with those labels. We do not shame the kids. And that's part of making them feel loved and valued.

And the experience of being loved, and modeling, when they feel safe and supported at home, that is going to help them when they go to school. other places like in school or in daycare or in play groups.  That's right, I agree also. And at home also parents can role, can also encourage your children by role playing social scenarios,  like practicing common social situations with your child through role playing to help them navigate real life interactions. 

So  a parent, of mine once shared  that they played pretend school with their child, Alex,  and then they took turns being the teacher and the student, the friend and the classmate. And this helped Alex practice his social interactions. And again, as parents, you can also set clear expectations for your children.

Establish and consistently reinforce Rules about kindness, sharing, and respect for others. A family established rules about kindness and respect to reinforce these behaviors. And then their son, Ben, responded well to this structure, even bringing these values outside their home and in school. That's true.

And I'm sure you'll be surprised at how well kids speak. Retain these lessons, like I'm sure in the classroom, it really comes up in their conversations. So thank you for sharing these stories of wonderful things that parents are doing so that all of us can learn from them. Yes, and another one, and I, find this the most important as well.

As parents, you can praise positive behavior. Reinforce positive social interactions with praise and encouragement. So whenever Lily showed kindness, her parents made a big deal, saying phrases like, I'm so proud of you for sharing your toys with your friend. Consistently praising their positive behaviors, this will help your children learn that these are important values that they should practice often.

And lastly reading social stories. Use books focusing on social skills and friendships to spark discussions and learning. I know a parent who reads books about friendship with their daughter and discusses the character's actions and feelings, which help their daughter understand and emulate positive social behaviors. 

And in line with this, I actually have a good book series that I read to my students. It's the When My Friends series by author Robin Rodriguez. I love that. I enjoyed reading that also with my child. Yes, it's a book series that explains very well how a child can process and understand their emotions in a given social scenario. 

And because that book series was written by a speech and language pathologist and a mom, I love how inclusive it is. It promotes respect for children of different abilities. 

 The conflicts between kids in the classroom with all of the challenges that we've talked about. And of course, Then despite the best efforts of parents and teachers, there are going to be conflicts. It's not going to be perfect. So when that happens, let's not blame ourselves, whether as parents or as teachers.

We can be doing all of those things and definitely, it's going to help, but at some point there can still be conflict.  So what can we do to reinforce those strategies at home? And how do you handle it? And then how can we support how teachers what the teachers do?  Okay, so in the classroom, I handle conflicts by mediating disputes.

I help children articulate their feelings and guide them to find mutually agreeable solutions. I once helped two students  Let's name them Jack and Emily, resolve a disagreement over a puzzle. I asked each of them to express their feelings and then guided them in finding a solution that worked for both of them.

Yeah, so thank you for sharing that. You were there and then you allowed them to talk out their feelings.  So I know it takes also a lot of emotional maturity to step back and to say, wait, how do you feel? How do you feel? How do you find a solution? Rather than us stepping in and dictating the solution. That's right. And it's also very important to process it with the children. 

Another one is that I teach conflict resolution skills, even at a young age. So I encourage children to use the I statements. Example, I ask, I would tell them to  state how they feel. I feel sad when this happened or, I felt angry because, and then I allowed them to listen to each other's perspectives.

For example, when Mia said, I feel sad when you took away my toy. And it opened a dialogue for both of the kids. Yeah, and sometimes you'll be surprised, like they'll be fighting one minute, then the next minute they're best friends, and later on, they continue on to be best friends and good friends. Yeah, that's correct.

And another one is promoting empathy in class. Helping children understand and empathize with their peers feelings.  So after Sarah knocked over Oliver's blocks, I asked her how she would feel if it happened to her. So this helped her understand Oliver's feelings better, and this allowed them to be reconciled and be playmates again, like you said, yeah. 

And then lastly,  Implementing a calmedown space or providing I love this. Yes, I saw the calmedown space that teacher Roxanne prepared and it is so cozy and comforting with just the right balance. Because there is some calmedown spaces that can actually get too overwhelming with all of the decor. But she did it in a way that it was just right, it was comforting, there were some prompts, but it's not  overstimulating.

Yes, thank you for that. Providing a designated area for children to cool off when they are upset. Like in my classroom before, we have a special chair. Or a calm down space, as you may call it, where children can go to collect themselves. Yes, and you need, I love how you reframe it as that. So it's not a punishment, because sometimes, there can be a space like that, but it's presented as a punishment, so it's not. 

So it's a place where they can collect themselves first. So I had, actually, a student before who had. Heated argument over a game, so he used that special chair and returned much calmer and ready to talk things out with his teachers and friends.  So those are some of the strategies I use inside the classroom.

And at home parents can also reinforce these strategies by, number one, practicing conflict resolution.  Even at their age, again, even at a young age, you can use the same conflict resolution techniques at home that are used inside the classroom. So parents can use role playing to practice conflict resolution. 

For instance, I have a parent who helped their children practice using the ice to eat mints during a sibling dispute over a toy. Also, as parents, you can encourage open communication. Foster an environment where your child feels comfortable discussing their feelings and conflicts.  A family had a feelings chart where their children could place a magnet to show how they were feeling.

This promotes open discussions about their emotions.  And lastly, as parents, you can model empathy. Show empathy in your interactions with others and encourage your child to do the same. I have another parent who shared a story about showing empathy to a neighbor, indeed, and discussing it with their child to teach the value of understanding and helping others in big or even small ways they could. 

Thank you for sharing that. And thank you also for sharing the stories and the experiences that you've had.  Parents whose kids are naturally introverted or have difficulty opening up to others or right now as we record this, classes have just started and I know in some parts of the world, classes are just about to start in the coming month.

And these would be the days when we would have crying kids in the lobby of the school.  So what advice do you have for parents whose kids may be introverted, or they may be scared, worried, or they may be hesitant to interact with other kids?  Okay, so for introverted children or those who find it challenging to still open up, we should respect their temperament, we should understand and respect your child's natural disposition, and we should avoid pushing them into social situations that they're not comfortable with. 

Yeah, so I knew a parent before who respected their child's need for alone time and this helped the child feel understood and less pressured.  Yeah, I'm glad you emphasized, yes, I'm glad you emphasized yet like they're not yet comfortable. So, it doesn't, yeah, it doesn't mean that they're going to avoid social situations forever.

But, this is something that we're working towards.  That's right. And that leads to my next point. It's gradual exposure. You should introduce social interactions gradually, starting with smaller, more familiar groups before moving to larger ones.  I have an introverted child before, and by gradually introducing her to social situations, starting with small family gatherings before moving to more significant and larger events.

This helped the child  be more comfortable in those social gatherings also. Another one is we can encourage, you can encourage your child to have hobbies.  So help your child find hobbies or activities that they enjoy. This can be a great way for them to meet like minded peers. So I have a student before that found it easier to make friends through his interest in music. 

His parents encouraged this hobby which led to him joining a class and making friends with similar interests.  And again, I would like to really emphasize this, creating safe spaces for your child. So provide opportunities for your child to socialize in environments where they feel safe and secure.

Another family created a safe space even in their home, where their child could just retreat whenever  he feels overwhelmed by social interactions. And this doesn't have to be at home, like when you go to places like parties or playdates or the mall. You can also plan beforehand what could be a safe space that we could go to if the child finds it overwhelming.

That's right. And lastly, build confidence.  Encourage and praise your child's social efforts, no matter how small. So this will build their confidence. So I know a parent who would praise their child for small social successes, like saying hello to a new classmate, and then which this will gradually build her confidence.

 Oh, thank you so much.  You have shared with us so many valuable tips. So any last words for the parents? Any take-home messages?  That is to help parents get along with other kids in school. So for our listeners, we can see really how passionate,  teacher Roxanne is about nurturing child development, how she's a dedicated educator, and she really has a deep commitment to it.

Nurturing young minds and now sharing with parents as well. Thank you. So to the parents and to those, even to those handling and teaching young children,  we should really be patient. So remember that developing social skills is a gradual process. Be patient and provide consistent support and encouragement. 

And then stay involved in your child's social life by talking with their teachers and other parents to understand their social dynamics.  We can also teach resilience. Help your child develop resilience by teaching them to cope with setbacks and disappointments in social interactions. And as parents and teachers, we encourage diversity.

Encourage your child to interact with a diverse group of peers.  to build a broader range of social skills and understanding.  Yes, thank you for pointing this out. Every child is different. Every child is unique. That's right. We celebrate that. Sadly, in our work, we have heard of some kids who have been singled out. 

Because they were diverse,  they, have been ostracized. So we hope that by doing this, is our advocacy. We want to build a more inclusive society. We want to build a more peaceful society. So imagine if every parent did this, every parent,  we talked out. Conflict resolution, we encourage social skills in a positive way, we become more accepting, we become more inclusive, just imagine what kind of wonderful  society and environment we're going to have for these kids.

That's right. And as parents and teachers, we should also celebrate their small victories.  So every step your child takes towards building social skills is worth celebrating, no matter how small it may seem. Whether it's sharing a toy, saying hello to a new friend, or resolving a conflict.  These moments are milestones in their social development journey. 

And lastly, one of the most important tips that I can share is to really intentionally and fervently pray for your child. Because I believe that prayer is a powerful tool that provides comfort, guidance, and strength for you and your child. So by praying for your child's social interactions,  emotional well being, and overall development.

You entrust your growth to God, and this reinforces your love and support for them. So as a teacher, I actually live by a verse in Proverbs 22 verse 6. Train up a child in the way he should go. Even when he is old, he will not depart from it.  Thank you for sharing that teacher Roxanne.  Yes, I understand that parenting is filled with ups and downs, but your love, patience, and guidance makes all the difference.

Trust in the process and know that you are doing an amazing job. Each child is unique and  they will find their way in their own time. Keep providing them with a safe and supportive environment, model positive social behaviors, and encourage them to be kind and empathetic, and most importantly, be patient with them and with yourself as well.

You're not alone in this journey. Reach out to other parents, to your child's teachers, and to your teachers. and others for support when needed. So together we can help our children thrive socially and emotionally.  That's so true. So remember every child will develop their social skills at their own pace and we've had plenty of tips in this episode.

Now, we don't have to do all of them all at once, but we could just choose if there's one thing in this episode that resonated with you the most, just choose it and try to do it with your child.  And little by little, we can help them navigate.  Friendships, navigate the classroom world more confidently.

And to help you with this, don't forget to download our free parenting toolkit. Go to discerningparenting. com slash toolkit for more tips and resources to support your parenting journey. So we have some activities there.  We also have tips on things like handling tantrums which can also help with the frustrating moments.

And don't forget to follow the Discerning Parenting podcast because next week we have Teacher Roxanne again.  And you can already see how much value we're learning from her, how her tips are so valuable. So I know you'll want to hear her talk about this. topic that has been much requested, what your preschool child needs to know for nursery and kindergarten.

 📍 And I know a lot of parents are worried about this, so be sure to follow the podcast so that next week you won't miss it when we have Teacher Roxanne here again. So thank you so much, and we'll see you again soon.  Bye bye!