083 - Encouraging Independent Play

Welcome to today's episode of our podcast! We're tackling a topic that many parents are curious about: Independent Play. A listener recently asked, "What exactly is independent play? My toddler doesn't seem to engage in it. Does independent play mean my toddler has to play by themselves? And if so, for how long?"

These are excellent questions, and they highlight a common concern among parents. Understanding independent play, how to encourage it, and how much time your child should spend playing independently can be a bit of a mystery. But don’t worry, you’re in the right place. 

Today, we'll dive deep into what independent play means, why it's important, and how you can foster it in your child. We'll explore the benefits of independent play for both you and your toddler, and provide some practical tips to make it a positive experience for everyone. Let's get started on this journey to nurturing your child's independence and creativity!

Check out this previous episode from the Discerning Parenting Podcast:

• The Clingy Toddler: 5 Gentle Parenting Strategies to Encourage Independence

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Transcript

Today I answered a listener question. What is independent play? My toddler doesn't play independently. Does independent play mean that my toddler needs to play by himself? And for how long?  Today we're diving into a common concern among parents and that's independent play. If you've ever wondered what it means, how to encourage it, how long your toddler should engage in independent play, is there a set amount of time that is right? 

You're in the right place. Let's explore together how fostering independent play can benefit both you and your child. 

 Welcome to Discerning Parenting, the podcast for parents of kids age 12 and under who have learned the hard way that a one size fits all approach to parenting won't shift the needle for you, your child, or your family. Together, We'll explore intentional strategies that see both you and your kids thrive. 

Parenting strategies based on well conducted research in the areas of child development, brain science, and neurodiversity need practical for you.  What if you let go of perfect and embrace discerning parenting in your family instead?  If you feel like you've been stumbling your way through. And you're ready to leave behind fight or flight mode parenting.

Then, this is the podcast for you.  I'm Dr. Victoria Angolasco, Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician and Positive Parenting Coach, on a mission to help you release your parenting guilt  so you can become laser focused on what will truly work for you.  

In this episode, We're addressing a crucial aspect of child development, and I know this is something that parents hear about all the time, independent play.  There can be some questions surrounding it. 

We'll answer a listener's question about what independent play truly means and share practical strategies to encourage it for your toddler.  Plus, we'll discuss how long kids can play independently and why it's beneficial for their growth. 

So, let's start by understanding independent play.  We want to clear up this myth.

Independent play doesn't mean leaving your toddler to play alone for long periods. It doesn't mean having a playroom and then your toddler is going to be there and then  there you just leave them there.  But what does it mean? It means allowing a child to direct their own play activities within a safe environment.

 Independent play is vital for developing confidence, creativity, and problem solving skills. It also helps kids learn what we call executive function skills. So these are skills that are needed for planning, for decision making, for regulating their emotions, also for impulse control. 

 And how long should independent play last?

And there's no hard and fast rule here.  For young toddlers, even as short as five minutes of independent play is great. And then you'll see that as they grow older,  they'll be able to play for longer and longer periods of time.  And different kids, even at the same age, can have different capacities for independent play.

So, you can adjust based on your child's comfort and developmental stage. And sometimes,  Their ability to play independently can be different depending on the situation. So, for example, they may be able to play independently beside you if you're writing,  but if, let's say, you start picking up a broom to be able to sweep, that broom can attract them so much that they feel it's more interesting than whatever they're playing with.  

So, here are five ways to encourage independent play. Number one. Progress gradually. So let's begin with short sessions, even as short as five minutes, and then gradually increase the time. And then let's not be too stressed about timing it or even saying, Oh no, how long is my child playing today?

Unless of course you're working with a therapist and then your therapist is asking you to do this. But for most kids, Just do what feels natural. So maybe your toddler will play with blocks for five minutes today.  And you'll see that over time, you may be surprised that they'll be able to do it for longer and longer periods.

But this isn't an overnight thing that you build over a few days.  Number two, remain accessible. As we said, independent play doesn't mean leaving your toddler to play alone for long periods. So we can stay nearby. In fact, they recommend that you you're actually within sight and hearing distance of your child.

So, you can use a play fence. I know play fences have a bad rap on the internet, but they can be a sanity saver for parents. Like for example, if you're preparing dinner in the kitchen, you can have a fenced off area in the living room where your child can play safely, but you can hear them and you can see them and you can even talk to them as you prepare dinner.

And this gives them a sense of security while they play independently.  And number three, minimize directions.  It's okay to offer suggestions like, Oh, would you like to try your blocks or your cars?  When it comes to independent play,  you can allow them to take the lead. So your suggestion is just to start them off in case a child may have some difficulty in starting off. 

Otherwise, you can allow them to take the lead. And kids are different in these. There are some kids who would automatically engage with their toys, while others would need more encouragement. So, what does it mean by letting them take the lead? It doesn't mean letting them do everything they want, including splashing paint all over.

 Your wedding photo or all over the entire room, but for example, let's say they choose to stack blocks in a way that seems unconventional. It doesn't, they don't seem to be building anything.  Explore their creativity without correction. Then you can ask them and even talk about it later on after, let's say  five or ten minutes of independent play. 

Or does your toddler want to color the grass blue or the clouds violet? It's okay to let them.  Now, this tip may sound simple and common sense, but in practice it can be easier said than done, especially because the internet is filled with activity guides that have these seemingly rigid steps that we're told to follow. 

Now there's a time and place.  for these step by step activities and usually they're for older kids. But late time during the toddler years is not the time to worry about these. Tip number four, design a safe space. Create a child proof area free from hazards  and this can be their safe environment where they can explore freely.

We'll help you do this. Head over to DiscerningParenting. com slash toolkit.  Download our free parenting toolkit and this includes a guide on baby proofing and child proofing your home. Tip number five, incorporate daily routines. Make independent play a part of your child's daily schedule. For example, You can designate a specific time each day for independent play,  sometimes after breakfast or maybe it can be a bit of a wind down before nap time. 

This helps kids get used to the idea of playing on their own regularly and they know that,  let's say  Breakfast afterwards, after they brush their teeth,  then that's a cue that they get to play on their own. And while we don't set expectations too high, who knows, it may even give you a few minutes of downtime. 

To make it easier for you to do this, our free parenting toolkit includes a guide on creating a visual routine for toddlers and young kids.  I hope these tips help you encourage and support your child's independent playing.  Remember, it's a gradual process. Independent play not only fosters important developmental skills, but it also gives you a well deserved break.

It may be different from day to day as we said. Some days, your child may be able to play independently, while on other days they may act extra clingy. And that's okay. If you have concerns such as My toddler is so clingy. You may want to check out our previous episodes on the clingy toddler, and we'll link to these episodes in the show notes.

Before we wrap up, I want to invite you to download our free parenting toolkit that includes activity ideas, child proofing tips, and a guide on creating a visual routine.  This means a visual routine is something that you can print out, and then you can either plan this with your child, plan this with the rest of the family, and then you can pack it to the wall, you can pack it to the refrigerator, and even if your child cannot read yet, Because it has pictures, then this is something that gives them a cue as to what comes next.

So head over to  DiscerningParenting. com slash toolkit  to download this free parenting toolkit.  And don't forget to subscribe to the Discerning Parenting podcast.   📍 In our next episodes, We'll explore even more actionable insights and tips to make your parenting journey a little easier. Thank you for joining me today.

Keep nurturing, keep discovering, and keep discerning. Until next time, happy parenting.