080 - 3 Myths On How Kids Learn That Are Stressing Parents Out

Welcome to today's episode of the Discerning Parenting Podcast, where we delve into the fascinating world of childhood learning. Have you ever wondered if some of the most commonly held beliefs about how kids learn might actually be myths?

Imagine if shifting your perspective could not only alleviate your stress and guilt but also enhance your child's learning journey. Today, we're set to bust three major myths about how kids learn. What you uncover in this episode might just surprise you and transform the way you support your child's education. So, get ready to rethink what you know and discover new insights into how children truly learn.

The study mentioned in this episode:

• Spontaneous fMRI activity during resting wakefulness and sleep

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Transcript

Are some of the most common beliefs about how kids learn actually myths?  Imagine if changing your perspective can release you from stress and guilt that you're not doing enough and they can even transform your child's learning experience.  Today we're busting three big myths about how kids learn. And what you discover might just surprise you.

So stay tuned. 

 Welcome to Discerning Parenting, the podcast for parents of kids aged 12 and under who have learned the hard way that a one-size-fits-all all approach to parenting won't shift the needle for you, your child, or your family. Together, We'll explore intentional strategies that see both you and your kids thrive. 

Parenting strategies based on well-conducted research in the areas of child development, brain science, and neurodiversity need practical for you.  What if you let go of perfect and embrace discerning parenting in your family instead?  If you feel like you've been stumbling your way through. And you're ready to leave behind fight or flight mode parenting.

Then this is the podcast for you.  I'm Dr. Victoria Angolasco, developmental and behavioral pediatrician and positive parenting coach, on a mission to help you release your parenting guilt,  so you can become laser-focused on what will truly work for you. 

 Today we dive into three of the most common misconceptions about how kids learn.  These are myths that might be adding unnecessary stress to your parenting journey.  Now, I've seen how parents are often stressed. that they're not doing enough for their child's learning.

A lot of the stress can be coming from myths that you've been told.  And many parents are surprised when they hear that these are myths, especially when they hear number three. And this is going to be an eye-opening discussion, so be sure to listen all the way to the end and don't go anywhere. 

Myth number one, kids learn best through repetition and drills.

And related to this myth is that we should push kids to achieve more and more at earlier and earlier ages.  Every day, I hear stories of moms who are stressed over downloading and printing worksheets, or going to these worksheet-based programs, these worksheet-based classes. And then getting even young kids to answer them. 

And then the kids don't want to. They tell me,  we're always fighting over worksheets. These parents, they feel like they've failed them.  They feel that they've done something wrong when actually there's nothing wrong with a parent or the child. The problem is the worksheet or activity is not developmentally appropriate.

 It may not even be designed right.

 And many parents see Instagram posts on what other kids are learning. Maybe they see ads or posts.  of worksheets that kids have answered, and then they feel guilty that they're not doing those with their kids.  Now, challenging a child just a little beyond where they are now can be helpful, it can be developmentally appropriate, but If you do an internet search for toddler worksheets, for example,  many of the results that you're going to get are beyond a toddler's developmental level.

And in fact, during the toddler stage, they should not be having worksheets because they need the three-dimensional sensory experiences. So if you see all of these that are labeled and marketed as toddler worksheets, and they involve tracing drawings or even tracing letters of the alphabet or numbers, These can set up your child and you for frustration,  and many even believe that worksheets are necessary to, for example, teach a child to learn to read or to teach a child math.

But remember that worksheets are not a teaching method, but they are a testing method for older kids will have already learned the concept. I know this feels surprising.  And there will be some who may tell you otherwise, they may have you believe that you can have your child learn math or reading or a concept by having them answer worksheet after worksheet,  this is just the same as.

Let's say learning medicine by answering one board of medicine reviewer after another or one medical licensure exam reviewer after another. And it's easy to think that worksheets, repetition, and drills are the most effective way for kids to learn. But research tells us a different story. To be able to retain information in the long term memory, it needs to be encoded into a part of the brain called the hippocampus.

Hippocampus. So, what's the hippocampus? It's a part of the brain that is responsible for remembering things over the long term. And what stimulates the hippocampus? It's meaningful experiences, not repeated drills by rote, not worksheets. That's why children thrive when learning is fun, engaging, and meaningful.

Think about how much more your child remembers. when they're excited about the subject versus when they're just repeating the facts. So now that we have debunked the first myth, that kids learn best at school. Through repetition drills. Let's go to the next one. And this is myth number two, and it's a huge misconception.

To maximize learning, kids need to be productive and kept occupied all the time.  We're so afraid of boredom that the internet is full of advice on how to keep our kids constantly occupied. And this is exhausting parents. I've seen how parents feel a lot of pressure around this. Recently, a friend forwarded a post by another mom, and I know I share this story a lot because I hear it actually quite often.

This friend felt guilty because she saw how another mom has a four year old enrolled in nursery school and reading enrichment classes, math lessons, martial arts, gymnastics, art, and foreign language lessons. So that's six different classes in addition to going to school.  And she said, My kids just play.

I'm so ashamed of myself.  So it's sad that parents are now being made to feel guilty if their kids are not being productive all the time, or if their kids are just playing. But in reality, "just playing". It's not just playing. There's so much that goes on in play. It doesn't mean that if they're playing, they're not being productive. 

Also, in reality, kids need downtime. It's during downtime that they develop creativity and imagination. It builds resilience because they're given the space to problem solve and make decisions, instead of having everything decided for them. Now many researchers have used what we call functional MRI. That means it's using MRI to peek into the brain and see what parts of the brain are working and how they work.

So they've looked at what happens in people's brains during what they call wakeful rest. Now wakeful rest means that You're awake, but you're not watching TV, not constantly being entertained, you're not engaged in some mental task like doing problems or solving worksheets or anything like that. And surprisingly, here's what they found.

Many parts of the brain are relatively more active during wakeful rest. And what are these parts of the brain? Some are parts of what we call the prefrontal cortex. This is needed for planning and focusing attention, among others. Some are the parts that are important in emotional regulation, while others, like the hippocampus that I mentioned earlier, are important for memory.

So again, what are these functions? Memory, planning, emotional regulation. These are parts of the brain that Responsible for these three skills that are more active during downtime. And these are all important skills that kids need to learn if they are to thrive in school. It's not just about the alphabet and numbers, which they can learn when they are there.

There's a time and place for academic lessons, but the basics, which is encoding into long term memory. Gradually learning things like planning, learning emotional regulation, learning how to handle frustration. These skills need at least some downtime.  if we are to build them. And that's why this myth number two, that we need to keep kids productive and occupied and entertained all the time, can be particularly harmful.

 Not only does it leave us parents burned out and exhausted, but if we're afraid of boredom and idleness, To the point that kids no longer have any downtime, we deprive them of the opportunities for brain development that comes with wakeful rest. So, maybe we can release ourselves from the guilt and from the exhaustion of trying to be both a parent and an entertainment system.

and allow that downtime. Now, if that feels like a lot right now, if right now it feels like even some downtime is unacceptable or will result in chaos or a meltdown, then listen on all the way to our next three episodes and we're going to address these in the tips that we talk about.  So let's go on to the third myth.

And this third myth is one of the most surprising to many of the parents that I've spoken with. And this is the myth that learning happens only in the classroom or only if you're following a lesson plan or doing structured learning activities.  But in reality, kids are learning all the time, whether or not we're aware of it.

During meal time, bath time, throwing out the trash time, stuck in traffic time, even arguing with the siblings time, eavesdropping on mom and grandma time. All of these. are learning opportunities, and kids are always learning and shaping their beliefs, shaping their view of the world, and wiring their brains in different ways.

We often underestimate the power of everyday experiences in contributing to a child's education.  Learning isn't confined to school hours, It's not confined to, when you have that 15 minutes, okay, we're going to have learning, which if you have a young child, don't feel pressured to do that. Why? Because learning happens at home,  during play, in everyday interactions with the world around them.

And I'll share some ways that you can turn daily activities into powerful learning opportunities, especially in the next couple of episodes. I know it can feel like you're not accomplishing as much if there's no checklist or lesson plan to tick off. But if you can see into your child's brain at the connections that you are forming, you'll see that there's this rapid brain growth that's happening when you engage your child in everyday experiences. 

That's because One of the most powerful driving forces behind brain development is your relationship with your child.

 And your relationship with your child is something that is built in these everyday experiences and not during structured learning.  Now when parents hear myth number three, there are often two reactions. Men, surprised, and then they feel relieved. The While some may initially feel guilt and pressure too, and then they tell me, Oh no, now I need to add on learning on top of everyday experiences.

But that's not what we're saying at all. We're not saying that to add to your pressure.  On the other hand, what we're saying is,  In the things that you're already doing anyway, You have conversations over dinner, you involve them in everyday chores, In doing all of these things, even without you adding on learning,  even without extra effort on your part, you're already building their brains.

And I talk about all these myths with love and empathy and without judgment.  I know we all love our kids dearly and we want to do everything possible for them. It's just that there's so much noise and conflicting advice that it's difficult not to believe this. These myths, and that's why we are here in Discerning Parenting to help you discern the science behind the messages that we hear every day.

And let's introduce a mindset shift here. What if we can actually achieve more by doing less? In business, there's the Pareto Principle. They say 80 percent of the results, I believe that's true in parenting as well. Parenting is incredibly exhausting. So maybe it could free us if we can focus on the 20 percent and decrease your mental load by offloading some of the 80%.

And you want some tips in discerning what that 20 percent is.  Maybe you already know deep down with your intuition. And we can also offer you some tips over the next two episodes. So be sure to subscribe to the Discerning Parenting Podcast so you don't miss that. And in the meantime, I hope today's episode has given you a fresh perspective on learning. 

And debunked some of the myths that may have been holding you back or stressing you out when it comes to kids and learning.  These three beliefs are myths. Then what can we do instead? You'll be surprised at how it can be so much easier than what the internet tells you to do. So you don't want to miss the next two episodes.

where we'll be discussing six surprisingly simple ways to boost your child's brain development. These episodes are filled with actionable insights that you can start using right away. I also want to invite you to check out my book, Toddler Talking, Boost Your Child's Language and Brain Development in Three Easy Steps.

It's packed with practical tips and strategies to help you support your child's brain development effectively. And if you have a Kindle Unlimited account, this book is free on Kindle Unlimited. We'll also link to this. In the show notes or head over to discerning parenting.com/books.  And don't forget to subscribe to the Discerning Parenting Podcast so you don't miss the next two episodes with six surprisingly simple ways to boost your child's brain development.

 📍 And thank you for joining me today. Keep nurturing, keep discovering, and keep discerning. Until the next time, happy Parenting.