055 - Navigating The Struggle Of Feeling "Not Enough"

Picture this: the fatigue of a long day, the desire for a moment of escape, only to be bombarded by advertisements for parenting perfection. "Be the perfect parent," they say, but the pressure is suffocating.

In this episode, we unravel the relentless pressure parents face in a world of idealized parenting standards and societal judgments. From social media perfection to unsolicited remarks during public meltdowns, we explore the common struggles that leave parents feeling they're not doing enough. Join us for a brief yet impactful discussion, offering insights on navigating this pervasive sense of inadequacy.

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Transcript

Imagine this. You're scrolling through your social media feed after a long day. You're tired, maybe a bit overwhelmed, and you're just looking for a few moments of escape. But instead, what do you see? Advertisements for parenting programs. I even saw this one at Be the Perfect Parent, not talk about pressure.

And maybe there are posts from influencers showing off their perfect homes and well-behaved kids.  All of this seemingly tells you what you should be doing. You see these programs promising to make your child a genius, or solve all of your parenting struggles, and there you are, feeling drained, barely managing the daily routines, and these images just add to the nagging thought, I'm not doing enough for my kids. 

It's a common scenario, one that leaves so many of us feeling inadequate, questioning our parenting because we don't have the time or the resources to match these ideal standards.  Or picture this scenario. You're at a family gathering, and your child throws a tantrum. Something normal, especially if you have a toddler or a young child.

And you're trying your best to handle the situation. Then these unsolicited comments come. A relative says, When I was raising my kids, they never acted out like that. Or a friend casually mentions how their child never had such issues. Or worse, a stranger at the store gives you that look or makes a remark under their breath. 

And these comments may be well-meaning. They can make us question whether we're doing a good job. And it's these moments, these offhand remarks, that can reinforce the feeling of not being enough. Of constantly being judged and falling short as a parent. There's a huge feeling that many of us grapple with every day, especially as parents.

This feeling that we're just not enough or we're not doing enough. It's so pressing and I see it causing so much stress for parents. So I want to dive into this today. 

 Are there days you feel you've had it with the sleepless nights, the temper tantrums, and the constant fatigue of trying to keep up with an active baby? Does it feel like you're always working so hard as a parent, trying to do everything for your kids and family, and yet it never feels enough? We get it. You love your child more than anything, and yet parenting is also exhausting and challenging.

Especially when you're bombarded with criticism and pressure to be the perfect parent. Which, spoiler alert, does not exist. That's why we created Discerning Parenting, the podcast that helps you cut through the noise and focus on what truly matters in your parenting journey. This podcast is jam-packed with valuable insights and practical tips specifically tailored for parents of kids aged 5 and below.

So join us and discover how you can use the combined power of science, knowing your child, and your intuition in making the best parenting decisions for you and your family. 

 What does it mean to feel not enough? It's that nagging thought that you're not doing enough for your kids.

You're not patient enough, not fun enough, not doing enough activities with them, or simply not capable enough. It's the feeling you get when you see other parents seemingly doing it all while you struggle to keep up.  For parents, this shows up in many ways. Maybe it's feeling inadequate when your child struggles in school, or compare yourself with other parents who always have these planned and prepared activities for their kids. 

It's the guilt that may come from working outside the home, or sometimes even coming home late, or the self-doubt. When we try to soothe our kid's tantrums but they're still having tantrums. I know as parents, this guilt and this feeling of not being enough or not doing enough can nag us practically all the time.

It can feel like no matter what we do or how hard we work, it's never enough.  It seems like there's always something else that we need to be doing. All the time, I hear parents tell me things like because this is something that starts from the moment that our babies are born. They will say, I just haven't had the time to sleep train my baby yet.

I carry and feed my baby whenever she wakes up at night, and I know this is such a horrible thing for me to do. also, I've heard things like, there's this baby sign language book that somebody gave me, but I haven't had the time to do it.  There are so many parenting buzzwords. 

From baby-led weaning to specific methods of body training to lessons and programs for kids to all of these activities all the time. I hear parents who are in my courses tell me, thank you so much for releasing me from the pressure to always plan and prepare for activities all the time because the pressure is real. 

In fact, there's pressure in other aspects as well, keeping the house clean and perfect, having a perfect relationship with a spouse, or even taking care of everybody in the extended family or at work, even the pressure for us to fit this particular image of what it means to be healthy and fit and to look good.

if we let even one of these things slip, we feel not enough. Each day, parents feel overwhelmed by all the things that they feel they need to do in order to be good parents. For example, a friend of mine forwarded a post by another mom. The mom shared how her four-year-old is involved in reading enrichment classes, math lessons, martial arts, gymnastics, art, and foreign language lessons. 

So that's six different classes. All in addition to the child's schoolwork, and I know it's so common that I meet parents who feel pressured over extracurricular activities. So, my friend was feeling not enough. She felt like she was not doing enough as a mom. She even said, and my kids just play, I'm so ashamed of myself.

And no matter how we decide to respond to our kids, it feels like there's always someone behind our shoulder telling us that we're doing it wrong. If we're firm in setting rules and enforcing them, or when we say no to our kids, we feel guilty. We ask ourselves, are we being too strict? Was I right to say no?

 Maybe I should have given in. Then during the times that we decide to give in, we also feel guilty. Then we ask, am I spoiling my child? It seems like no matter what we decide, we're always second-guessing ourselves. But here's the catch. This sense of adequacy, it, but here's the catch, this sense of inadequacy doesn't just affect us, it also spills over to our kids. 

They can feel the stress and pressure in a way, and in a way, this pressure, we may also be transmitting it to them. For example, if we feel pressure that, oh, they have to end this tantrum, they have to regulate, so they may feel that they're being bad when they have big feelings.  Or when we feel this pressure to have all of these activities and all of these lessons for them, it also adds to their pressure.

In fact, recently I saw a research, that was just published a couple of months ago, that shows it's a multi-country study. It combined several types of research that show that academic pressure actually leads to poorer mental health. among kids. So our feelings of insufficiency, our feelings of not being enough, they don't just affect us, but they also affect the emotional and mental well-being of our kids.

So how do we break free from this cycle of not feeling enough and passing it on to our kids and affecting our mental health and affecting our kids' mental health as well? Here are three things you can do right now. Number one, practice self-compassion. Acknowledge that parenting is a tough job. It's okay not to be perfect.

Be kind to yourself. Recognize your efforts and celebrate the small victories. Number two, open communication. Talk with your kids. Let them know that it's okay to feel overwhelmed or unsure. We can also communicate with them when we are struggling, and we communicate this in a way that is honest and at the same time doesn't put any guilt feelings on them.

For example, if we're struggling to stay calm, it's okay to say, I'm feeling upset right now and need a few minutes to calm down. So we're being honest, at the same time, we're not putting the guilt on them. So when we do this, not only does it help us, but it also models emotional resilience to our kids.

And number three, join our free masterclass for a deeper dive into overcoming these feelings of not feeling enough. I invite you to sign up for our free masterclass, Why You Don't Feel Enough, and How to Change It. Head over to discerningparenting.  com slash webinar to sign up. Now in this masterclass, you'll discover the real reason that you don't feel good enough and the hidden ways that it's showing up in your life, work, and relationships, including the parenting relationship. 

You'll understand the stages of enoughness and the essential ingredient to feeling enough exactly as you are. Because I can tell you right now, what are the things that you need to worry about, what are the things that you don't need to worry about? But until you feel deep down that you are enough, we'll always get caught up in this trap and struggle of trying to do more, always trying to be more, and it will still never feel enough.

I'm sorry. You'll uncover how feeling enough can open you up to receiving more love, joy, success, and inner peace in all areas of your life, whether it's parenting, career, or your personal life. And you will also experience a powerful taster heart healing session with me. Heart healing is this revolutionary, integrative healing method.

I've been talking about this personal healing journey that I've been through, and heart healing was a huge part of this. And in this webinar, Why You Don't Feel Enough, you will experience a taster heart healing session. And this will help you feel enough and unlock more love. money, joy, and success right now.

I'm one of the first fully trained heart healing practitioners in the world, and together, we heart healing practitioners, our collective mission is to break the cycle of not-enoughness and self-sabotage that we may be passing on to our future generations. So, when we do this when we heal this cycle of not-enoughness, more parents just like you can experience deeper levels of love, inner peace, and success.

Remember, feeling not enough is a common experience, but it doesn't have to define your life or your parenting journey. When we take these steps, practice self-compassion, open communication, and join our master class. You can start to shift your perspective and embrace your worth, and in doing this, we'll create a more positive environment,  not just for us, but for our kids as well.

So take a moment right now, head over to DiscerningParenting. com slash webinar and sign up for the webinar. Thank you for joining me today on the Discerning Parenting podcast.   📍 Remember, you are enough, just as you are. And together, we can grow into the parents that we aspire to be. Now in the next episode, I'll talk more about heart healing and how it has helped me and many of the parents I've worked with.

So be sure also to follow the Discerning Parenting podcast so you don't miss it. Thank you and I will see you at the webinar. Head over to discerningparenting. com slash webinar. 

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